Multitudes

I use to think my heart beat in rhythm to the crashing of ocean waves. It doesn’t, and maybe it never really did. I realized this in my twenty first year when I saw the big sky and big mountains of Montana. My heart changed forever that day; something I am still reconciling and figuring out. How a moment is so meaningful and how memory expands and contracts the moment for the rest of your life. It is part of my subconscious everyday. I didn’t apply to the University of Montana Law School, maybe I should have. But I am mostly too scared to revisit those feelings and find out they don’t add up. True love like that is terrifying, overwhelming, and mostly imagined. I am surprised that years later, I am still working out the feelings. How does something stick to you in that way? It really is a type of stickiness, my feelings.